Goodbye, my halcyon days
by iwha
Summary: "What's the true meaning of being a Hero?" AU Modern with slight humor.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything...

**A/N:** Hi! Still Alive. Still Breathing. Still Talking. This is totally AU so I'm sorry if the characters are a bit... well... OOC because one: I haven't watched Merlin in a long time, and I meant the_ 'really long'_ part. Second: I am currently having the usual but deadly disease known by most writers, it was the Writer's Block. Third: is that I mostly focused on the KHR or other anime for that matter.

* * *

"Say, what do you think would happen when people die?"

I mentally twitched, but I didn't open my eyes as I quietly listen to the sound of her voice.

"I think they'll be stars in the sky, well, that's what my grandfather used to say so no I'm not sure"

"You think so, hmm…. Now that you mention it, I guess that's plausible"

"Maybe, but what's with the stuff about 'people dying' anyway Gwen?"

"I don't know, maybe it's because of that"

And the two voices later faded away, their talk now jumping to another topic. I slowly open my eyes and soon got up from where I was lying down. I look over to where I last heard her voice and then sigh deeply.

* * *

If there's one thing I hate in the world more than I hate Merlin's annoying nicknames and my sister's sarcastically smart remarks, like she knows _**everything**_on everything (Most of the time anyway, but don't tell her I said that, or she'll castrate me), is just one particular day in the week: Wednesday. Why?

Because first: it's the middle of the week, second: Morgana almost_** always**_, start her woman-y thing-y, and just when she's already acting like she' the wicked witch of the east, on that very day sheliterally _is_ the wicked witch of the east times two. But minus the ugly look, of course, again don't tell her I said that. Third one is, and this is surprisingly kind of hard to admit, it reminds me of the day I found out that I made her cry.

Pathetic aren't I? It's troublesome really, I hate being weak but I couldn't help it. I may have the well dreamt-of blonde hair and blue eyes, but so what? It really doesn't matter anyway. I'll just go about my way and….. Wow…. I'm such a nerd….

Why didn't I realize that sooner? Oh yeah… I was too busy being in a hospital, that's why. I don't want to remember that again.

* * *

Ah…. Arthur my boy, why can't you just outright tell her the truth, so you can now go on and have that awfully painful throb in your chest go away. Seriously, I must be getting senile, and I'm not even in my fifties yet, I'm only seventeen.

Really, it's so simple, all you have to do is go walk right up to her and tell her how you really feel. 'Easy as pie' like how Gwaine used to say. Go ahead mate! She's the love of your life for who knows how long! And you'll just let her walk away without knowing how you feel? Pathetic! You're, as what most people in the world would label you, a LOSER!

HA! If only Gwaine and the others could see him now, they'd laugh their arse off that's for sure.

Really? Cold Feet? That's your excuse? Oh come on! Merlin has better excuses than that! That's saying something, actually, considering how far-fetch most of the Merlin's excuses. But details, details, back to the topic at hand…..

"Gwen, are you crying?"

It made me shiver down my spine. It suddenly made me froze up.

"Huh? Oh Morgana, it's been a while"

"Gwen… I…"

And then I saw Morgana hugging Gwen close. The scene made my heart clench painfully. I'll…. I'll just go somewhere else. I don't want to be here anymore.

* * *

"Arthur?"

I turned around and was surprised to see Percy of all people. I just stood there looking at him with eyes wide open.

"Is…. Is that you..? Is that really… you?"

I just kept my mouth close, not uttering a single word but I nodded in recognition. I can see it in his eyes, the disbelief, the sadness, but most of all… the guilt. It made my heart clench painfully again.

"I… I can't believe it…. Y-you're here…"

I nodded curtly, looking at him in pain. But I still didn't say a single word. I closed my eyes, and the last thing I heard is his voice calling my name, over and over again.

* * *

"How many days has it been since that day?"

"I don't know Merlin. I lost count after the funeral"

"He's a hero"

"Yes, yes he is"

Both Merlin and Gwaine visited me today, and just like what happened with Perce, all I could do is just stand there as they put on a small bouquet of flowers in that grave.

"He doesn't deserve to die. He doesn't"

"I know"

For once, Gwaine was surprisingly serious. I would've joked to him about it but I can't. Not anymore.

"And that guy deserves his punishment!"

"Merlin…"

Suddenly, memories of that day came rushing back.

"It's his fault t-that….. That Arthur's dead! I wish that he'd rot in hell for what he did!"

"I know, I wished it too"

Ah….. I… died. I died trying to protect my friends, like what Merlin had said, I died a _hero_. But it left a bitter taste in my mouth. Hero. I sarcastically snorted. What's the use of that title when everyone you held dear is suffering? What's the use of being labeled a Hero when you see the aftermath of your death takes its toll on the people you love, torturing them, killing them? Is it worth it? To be honest, I don't know. I don't know the answer.

* * *

"_Hey, I just met you~! And this is crazy! So here's my number, so call me maybe?"_

_Everyone laughed at Gwaine's impression of the song, even the stoic Anya, their Russian classmate, smiled at Gwaine's antics._

"_Thank you, thank you. I love you all! Mwah! Mwah!"_

_Another set of laughter. Gwaine got back on his seat alongside Percy, the latter just shook his head while laughing. Currently, they are on their way to Wales for a field trip, or as Gwaine coined it: Snore Trip. Because, Gwaine said, that their field trip is boring, and that the only reason he's here is because if he didn't come, their professor will most definitely fail him. And there's also the fact that the girl of his dreams is also at the field trip. But when he told Anya this, she just punched him in the face, but because Gwaine is a natural idiot ("Like Merlin" – Arthur) he bounced right back._

_A couple of hours later, someone suddenly boarded their bus without warning. Unfortunately for Gwen, she was sitting near him so he grabbed her and threatened to kill her if they all disobeyed by gun point. Arthur refused and tried to wrestle the gun out of the man's hand. Arthur managed to wrestle it out of the man but he was shot instead. He didn't even make it to the hospital._

* * *

**A/N:** The person that Gwen was talking to at the beginning is Elyan.


End file.
